My First Tattoo

When you walk into a studio for your tattoo the artist takes you into their workroom and you sign a form to show you understand the terms to getting a tattoo and that you agree to follow the care methods. After, the artist sets you up in a particular chair (depending on where you are getting your “tat” you need to sit in different types of chairs). Next the artist puts on gloves and gets his or her equipment prepared. Each set of needles is individually wrapped and only used on one person. The artist will then clean the area being tattooed with rubbing alcohol and in some cases the hair is shaved away as well. A stencil is then applied to damp skin, the reason for this is so that the artist can trace it with ease and make sure the “tat” is straight and in correct position. Then it begins. The size of the tattoo determines how long it will take. When the artist is finished they wipe away the area, apply A&D Ointment, and wrap the design up in gauze. During the following weeks it is the customers responsibility to care for the tattoo by applying A&D a few times ago. The idea is to not let the tat get too dry. On the morning of my 18th birthday I walked into the shop and went up to my boss and said, “Dozer today is the day.” He laughed and asked me who I wanted to do it. Andre has been tattooing for longer than I’ve been alive and his work is simply outstanding. When I sat down in the chair he laughed and said I wasn’t ready. I had picked out a nautical star but after seeing the stencil I had no desire to put it on my body. So he used his marker and drew, freehand, five shooting stars on my right ankle. Before he began he warned me, “tattoos are addicting, they hurt at first but you always come back for more.” The stars go in order from smallest to biggest and the first and last are black. The middle three are purple, green, and blue. Surrounding the stars is little dots that I like to call “pixie” dust in pink, purple, and green. My first tattoo took twenty minutes.

12 Things I Love About Christmas

The 12 Things I Love About Christmas:

1. Presents
2. Christmas lights
3. Christmas Music
4. Presents
5. Snow
6. Decorating the Tree
7. Making Christmas Cookies
8. Presents
9. Shopping
10. Watching Christmas Movies
11. Wrapping Paper
12. Did I mention presents?

Earth To America

Xmas in Rockefeller Center

This year I experienced for the first time, one of my new favorite things to do in New York City. It is an event that takes place once a year usually during the first week in December and draws a rather large crowd. Christmas in Rockefeller Center. I have always visited the great tree in the center every year since I was very young. My grandfather used to work on Fifth Avenue directly across from the tree in the center. Every year until he retired, my grandpa would take me to work with him on Christmas Eve day. At lunch time we would visit the tree and the fifth avenue windows. We would take a lot of pictures and take care of holiday shopping. Since he retired a few years ago, I make the trip once at Christmas with many of my friends.
A few years ago my mom had the idea to attend the lighting of the famous tree. So we went with her fiancé and his son and upon arriving in mid-town Manhattan it was impossible to get within a single block of the tree. So the four of us settled to dinner in a restaurant and watched the lighting on television. We never tried to attend the lighting again. Instead we would watch it from the comfort of our own living room…
Until this year that is. I had the brilliant idea to brave it again. I got a few friends to agree to come with me and we decided we would leave Staten Island on the three oclock ferry to the city. Once we got off we ran to the R train and boarded for 34th Street and Herald Square. Once there we transferred to the F train to Rockefeller Center. Getting close to the tree was no easy feat and it was only 4:30. every corner we approached had a new rule on which direction you were allowed to go in and the police officers were in no way coordinated with eachother.
The four of us were about to give up as we walked into Starbucks on 47th Street. Once we warmed up a bit we decided we didn’t want to quit, we came to see the Tree. So back we went to the center. Finally we found a nice officer who used to work with my uncle and we were able to get into a “pen” on 49th street and Rockefeller Plaza. Now we only had an hour and a half to wait before the festivities began. So we occupied ourselves by playing silly movie trivia games and singing Christmas Songs.
The show began at 7PM sharp with a performance by the Radio City Rockettes. Hosted by Al Roker, Nick Lachey, and Ashley Tisdale, the show went on with performances by Josh Groban, Celine Dion, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, and many more including the amazing Tony Bennet. Although it was considerably cold we had the best time and it wasn’t long before the countdown began to light the eighty foot tall tree. After counting down from ten the tree was lit and looked just as amazing as it does every year. I got to see it with a new appreciation because I had seen what it looked like without its new energy efficient lights.
The crowd there was huge and everyone was in the holiday spirit. It was a really good night and I can’t wait to go next year. From now until New Years Eve the tree will remain lit everyday for people all across the country to see.

Thanksgiving Eve

As I sit here and write this blog entry I am sitting at my aunt’s kitchen table in West Babylon, Long Island. It is Thanksgiving Eve. There is five people at the table: my grandfather and grandmother, my aunt Kim, her best friend Joanie, and myself. At this point my grandmother has finished making the turnips, apple and pumpkin pie, and her secret recipe stuffing. The turkey is sitting in the sink defrosting. Kim, Joanie, and grandpa sit here sipping white wine while Joanie argues that she hates her name and wants to change it. Grandma chooses Olivia, while my aunt Kim keeps giving her hooker names like Candy and Roxy. They all sit here and stare while I type and I say I am legitamatly doing homework. Aunt Kim asked what she can do for me and I tell her to continue this rambling conversation. Joanie states she is now Aunt Olivia. This conversation gets louder and funnier by the minute.
In the next room my brother is lounging on the couch watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as if nothing is phasing him. My uncle Michael is out celebrating what is apparently the biggest party night of the year. This is the first year we are going against Thanksgiving tradition. Every year I sleep at grandmas on this night and we spend the day preparing for tomorrow and set up her Christmas village. This year however, that did not happen. My mom is spending the holiday with her fiancé and his family and my other aunt is with her in-laws as well. I however, could not bare not eating grandmas turkey, it would feel wrong to sit somewhere else. So instead of having dinner for just three people, turkey day was moved here to Aunt Kim’s in Long Island. It feels strange. Tradition has been totally changed. I am not big on change. But here I am. I just hope that turkey is worth the 4 hours I sat in traffic to get here. Happy Thanksgiving!

what we eventualy will learn

It is inevitable, one day we are all going to grow up. And as we do we come to sudden realizations. You learn that you cannot trust everyone you meet, and you learn that the one person that wasnt supposed to let you down...does. You learn how to break hearts and your gets broken too. Sometimes more then once and each time it gets even harder. You'll lose old friends and gain new ones. You'll fight with your best friend and blame your new love for everything the old one did. But eventually you'll realize that the people who matter dont care and the people who care dont matter. You'll keep yourself awake at night crying because time is passing fast, you start to regret things you did or didnt do. You'll lose someone you love. It isnt until later you come to the biggest realization of all....life is too short. Theres no time for regrets, you have to live each moment and smile like you mean it. Take stupid pictures, laugh until you cant breathe, and love like you have never been hurt in the past. Every minute you waste being unhappy is a minute you can never get back. No matter how bad things may get, life always goes on.

Here I Am

Here I am
I'm trapped inside of here again
It's lonely, cold, and never-ending.
Here I am
I'm falling into a deep dark hole,
The darkness is painful, I'm still all alone.
Here I Am
Swimming in this darkened pool
Heart broken are they who play the fool.
Here I am
I'm still waiting for you
I'm still hoping you'll lead me through.
Here I am
I see you coming
I see a streak of light, I start running
Suddenly you disappear...gone
It was just an illusion that led me on.
Here I am
Back in this bottomless pit,
Everyday I lose you piece by piece and bit by bit.
Here I am
I lost you today
How could you let it end this way?

WS Sonnet 141

Of all the writers in history, I have to say I love William Shakespeare. I know everyone does, but in high school we read so much of his work and I read so much more on my own. This is sonnet 141 and also my favorite.

In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,For they in thee a thousand errors note;But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise,Who in despite of view is pleased to dote;Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted,Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone,Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invitedTo any sensual feast with thee alone:But my five wits nor my five senses canDissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,Who leaves unsway'd the likeness of a man,Thy proud hearts slave and vassal wretch to be:Only my plague thus far I count my gain,That she that makes me sin awards me pain.

just some miscellaneous quotes

"Love is as strong as death. Why be capable of feelings if we're not to have them? Why long for things if they're not meant to be ours?" -Tristan & Isolde

“You were right. I don't know if life is greater than death. But love was more than either.” –Tristan & Isolde

"All is fair in love and war"

"Whatever dies was not mixed equally.If our two loves be one,And thou and I love so alikeThat none can slacken,None can die."-Excerpt from "The Good Morrow" by John Donne

"Love can sometimes be magic...but magic can sometimes be an illusion."- Javan

"I wish they would only take me as I am."- Vincent van Gogh

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others remains and is immortal."- Albert Pine

"Sometimes I wish I had never met you, because then I would be able to go to sleep at night not knowing that there was someone like you out there."- Meet Joe Black

a long overdue realization

So in the past hour or so ive done more thinking then my brain can handle (no pun intended to myself). And I ask myself the question is it better to do the right thing even when u don't get anything in return? And then I answer myself with yes u idiot, u already had ur turn suck it up get the hell over it and move on. Sounds simple right? Wrong!! Sometimes the simplest things in life turn out to be the hardest. Ive never been one for doing the right thing but this time I am. And only because I know how it feels to not have the one person u need the most there with u when the swore they always would be no matter what. Good bad, thick and thin. But promises are broken all the time and sometimes broken hearts never fully heal, but if u take a step back and look at the whole picture u realize that what happened then is what makes you who u are now. Its hard to deal with change and you try so hard to make things the way they once were and then u realize that its to hard to pretend ur strong when u dnt want to be and that's when u give up. And you, yes u kno who im talking to…I kno ur reading this and I just want you to know that I am OK. I want you to know that I will always be there for you first and foremost as a friend because no matter how much we joke around, we really do need eachother as friends more than we realize. I know that you always got my back and I can come to you with anything and I want u to know im that for u too. So after some tears and a lot of thought im ready to move forward even if it isn't the same as it was then. Im finally ready to say goodbye to that time in our lives and its not as bad as i thought it would be. I am officially on that frozen heart type of shit and the next guy that comes along better be ready with a hammer and a chisel. Sometimes u gotta deal with the bad things to get the good. So heres to the future because im done with the past. "this is ur freedom, with no last kiss and no goodbyes."and I think im starting to believe you when u say that friends are best for now. Im glad I know the truth, I feel a lot better now. Thank you.

untitled

She feels like she's trapped in a room with no way out,
There are no walls, no windows, a door the room is without.
She's got a short leash attached to her,
The one she loves put it there.
He keeps her too close and knows her every move.
His life has become her's because he gives he no other choice,
His hand over her mouth restrains her voice.
She's suffocating, losing air, he's never hurt her,
But then again he's never been fair.
Is this what love is supposed to feel like? She often asks herself,
Is it supposed bite and keep you lying awake late at night.
Can anyone save her? Can anyone help her?
She cries out but no one hears,
The sound just reverberates in her own ears.
She fights and tries to leave him behind,
But she always ends up staying.....
Even when he makes her cry.

just listen

Have you ever heard a song and realized that it represents a specific time in your life? Have you ever felt that song was specifically written for you to help you understand or feel better about a situation? Over the past few years music had become a big part of me. Music has helped me through some rough times. For me it sometimes holds an answer. Simple songs can mean bigger things. The first song to do this for me is Josh Groban’s “To Where You Are” coincidentally, I first heard it on the morning of my uncle’s funeral. “Who can say for certain, maybe your still here….and you are watching over me from up above.” The song stuck in my mind and helped me through that day and the few that followed. There have been a few songs that I have come across to make me feel this way like “What’s the Point” by Article A and “Apologize” by One Republic, both of which I heard a few months ago before the radio commercialized them.
Music is always my answer. I’m a lyric decoder, I try to use music to help me read between the lines. It has the answers. It can help you get through the rough times or just put you in a better mood, but first you need to just listen.

monogamy rules

I think that it is possible to really, truly love someone and still think about someone else, or even be curious about another person enough to be seriously drawn to this third person. But simply because we live in a society where, although it doesn’t work, monogamy rules a person cannot be free to act on such an impulse without facing impunity and demonization. I think you can be drawn to another person enough to want to experience something with them just to see what it would be like. Or maybe just to reassure yourself that what you have is better and more real. If desire itself is a form of betrayal, then how much more harm would be done if those thought were put into action? One would think that, ideally, you could go back to the person you love after all is said and done, when you realize that it wasn’t what you thought it would be which I think is always the case. And if by some rare chance that it was wonderfully amazing, wouldn’t you have rather experienced that moment of bliss and adrenaline then always wonder what could have been?

the fat lady has sung

So last night I sat glued to my TV. and watched, painfully, as my Yankees threw away their entire season. I am sure that many Yankee fans will agree with me when I say that they had a rough season. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t watch every game faithfully, even when everyone else was starting to give up on them.
On Sunday night I felt pretty lucky, as I attended Game #3 at Yankee Stadium with my best friend. Before I left my father said, “It’s all over tonight, they’ll be losing soon.” But we went anyway. I arrived late and my team was down 3-0 at the bottom of the 3rd. They scored a run in the 4th and when it came to the 5th us fans praised Johnny Damon for his three- run homer that brought the score to 4-3. A hit by Robinson Cano later in the game, brought in another three runs, at this point I called my father: “How’s the game?” he asked, and all I said in reply was, “I don’t hear the fat lady yet dad.” Rivera came in to close the game leaving us with an 8-4 victory and saving Joe Torre’s job for one more day.
Things were looking up, or so we thought.
The Yankees pitcher, Wang, opened game 4 by giving up a lead off homerun to the tribe. The game wore on and us folks at home were worried, that is until Cano’s homerun in the 6th. His was followed by A-Rod & Bobby Abreu. “Here we go,” I thought, “this is the rally we need, we can come back again.” And then we go to the bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, man on third, Posada steps to the plate, the counts 1 ball- 1 strike, he takes a whack at the ball that comes right over the plate and smacks it far out to right just when I stand up to do a victory dance for our tie game, the ball strays foul by a hair. NO!!! He slowly returns to the plate only to swing at the next pitch to come down and boom, STRIKE 3, and Cleveland Wins the American League Division Series.
It was all over. The season gone, just like that. The Yankees watched miserably as Cleveland jumped up and down cheering and hugging eachother in The House That Ruth Built. That’s when I did the walk of shame to the TV. and shut it off. So now what? Well in a nutshell, manager Joe Torre will not be resigned for his 13th season, and the team is going to have to make a serious roster change as it lies in serious jeopardy of losing Alex Rodriguez, Bobby Abreu, Jorge Posada, and Mariano Rivera, all of which are free agents and have no set-binding contract to the team. So until next season.

...

As I lie awake late at night...I hold onto that teddy bear so tight...and it makes me think of you & where you are...who you're with and how far?...when is the last time you ever cried for me?...do you ever think of the mess you made?...did you ever think we were meant to be?...I walked home in the rain today...I cried and hoped some pain would fade away...silent tears rolled down my cheeks...and even though I was wet and cold...I slowly walked the flooded streets...it breaks my heart to know those years are gone...the nightmare is just beginning...and it's hard to move on...I'll see you again you'll pretend your naive...this isnt what you want...and it can't be what you need...I'm no longer a whole, but just a part...and all I ask is, can I please have back my heart?

thanks for the memories

A memoir is a piece of autobiographic work and it usually an account of a persons personal life. A memory by definition is a retained mental impression. Memories are made everyday. They can be happy, sad, funny, frightening, or any other emotion you can imagine. Memories stay with you throughout your life. When you’re older you can often think back and remember something you did as a child or a teenager, and at times even share it with your own children. When I am older I want to be able to meet with old friends and be able to look back and say “remember when?” those are always the best memories.

Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note

Lately, I've become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus...
Things have come to that.
And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.
Nobody sings anymore.
And then last night I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there...
Only she on her knees, peeking into
Her own clasped hands
-Amiri Baraka

Maleficent {harmfully malicious}

From childhood I’ve always had a certain like for villains. When you think about it they seem to always have wonderful fashion sense, and they had the most amazing knack for dramatics. Most of the time they have the best script, and in the end, when they meet their demise, they go out in a final blaze of glory. I have to admit that Disney villains are without a doubt my favorite.

My most favorite villaness of all time is Sleeping Beauty’s antagonist, Maleficent. I personally think the mistress of all evil gives the Wicked Witch of the West a good run for her money. I feel like I can relate to her, basically she gets ticked off at the littlest things. For instance, in the film she’s all-mad because she was invited to the princess’ christening. Well maybe if you weren’t a witch the king and queen would like you and you would have gotten an invite. Maleficent is mainly responsible for all the kingdoms misfortunes, she has magical powers, can be a human or a dragon, and has goblin henchmen to do her bidding. What more could you ask for?

Anyways I like her so much that I have her name and dragon form tattooed on my lower back (hence my profile photo). I definitely have a lot of Maleficent memorabilia. I guess over the years I’ve developed an obsession for her (not unhealthy I can assure you). Maleficent basically means evildoer or evil in intent or effect. I just find her fascinating.“Now you shall deal with me, Oh Prince, and all the powers of Hell!” -Maleficent

Why I Write

Why I Write
Writing to me is a way of getting my thoughts out and opening my mind. When I sit down in front of a blank piece of paper I suddenly find my hand moving across it and before you know it I have written a word, phrase, or just a simple thought. So why do I write? I write to innovate my thoughts and express my mind, to keep records of what I feel, my experiences, and my ambitions. I like the ability to communicate without others knowing what is on my mind. I write to let others know how I feel. To me, writing is a lot easier than talking. I feel as though if I write someone a letter it comes across more clearer, personal, and simpler.
I like to write about the dreams I dream while I am asleep at night. I write to remember things I never want to forget. I write to make the difficult things seem so much easier. I write to make the far away close at hand. When I write, I feel as though I am talking to a best friend who will keep all of my secrets. Writing to me is like answering my own questions and solving my own problems. I write to tell a story. I write to let my imagination roam free. I write to face situations I cannot change, those out of my control, those I fear, and those I cannot understand. I write to control my feelings that change from day to day. To me writing is self-control. I write when I do not know what to say. I write because it makes me feel less vulnerable. I write to become stronger. I write to face the reality of the world.