Thanksgiving Eve

As I sit here and write this blog entry I am sitting at my aunt’s kitchen table in West Babylon, Long Island. It is Thanksgiving Eve. There is five people at the table: my grandfather and grandmother, my aunt Kim, her best friend Joanie, and myself. At this point my grandmother has finished making the turnips, apple and pumpkin pie, and her secret recipe stuffing. The turkey is sitting in the sink defrosting. Kim, Joanie, and grandpa sit here sipping white wine while Joanie argues that she hates her name and wants to change it. Grandma chooses Olivia, while my aunt Kim keeps giving her hooker names like Candy and Roxy. They all sit here and stare while I type and I say I am legitamatly doing homework. Aunt Kim asked what she can do for me and I tell her to continue this rambling conversation. Joanie states she is now Aunt Olivia. This conversation gets louder and funnier by the minute.
In the next room my brother is lounging on the couch watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as if nothing is phasing him. My uncle Michael is out celebrating what is apparently the biggest party night of the year. This is the first year we are going against Thanksgiving tradition. Every year I sleep at grandmas on this night and we spend the day preparing for tomorrow and set up her Christmas village. This year however, that did not happen. My mom is spending the holiday with her fiancé and his family and my other aunt is with her in-laws as well. I however, could not bare not eating grandmas turkey, it would feel wrong to sit somewhere else. So instead of having dinner for just three people, turkey day was moved here to Aunt Kim’s in Long Island. It feels strange. Tradition has been totally changed. I am not big on change. But here I am. I just hope that turkey is worth the 4 hours I sat in traffic to get here. Happy Thanksgiving!

what we eventualy will learn

It is inevitable, one day we are all going to grow up. And as we do we come to sudden realizations. You learn that you cannot trust everyone you meet, and you learn that the one person that wasnt supposed to let you down...does. You learn how to break hearts and your gets broken too. Sometimes more then once and each time it gets even harder. You'll lose old friends and gain new ones. You'll fight with your best friend and blame your new love for everything the old one did. But eventually you'll realize that the people who matter dont care and the people who care dont matter. You'll keep yourself awake at night crying because time is passing fast, you start to regret things you did or didnt do. You'll lose someone you love. It isnt until later you come to the biggest realization of all....life is too short. Theres no time for regrets, you have to live each moment and smile like you mean it. Take stupid pictures, laugh until you cant breathe, and love like you have never been hurt in the past. Every minute you waste being unhappy is a minute you can never get back. No matter how bad things may get, life always goes on.

Here I Am

Here I am
I'm trapped inside of here again
It's lonely, cold, and never-ending.
Here I am
I'm falling into a deep dark hole,
The darkness is painful, I'm still all alone.
Here I Am
Swimming in this darkened pool
Heart broken are they who play the fool.
Here I am
I'm still waiting for you
I'm still hoping you'll lead me through.
Here I am
I see you coming
I see a streak of light, I start running
Suddenly you disappear...gone
It was just an illusion that led me on.
Here I am
Back in this bottomless pit,
Everyday I lose you piece by piece and bit by bit.
Here I am
I lost you today
How could you let it end this way?