Here I Am

Here I am
I'm trapped inside of here again
It's lonely, cold, and never-ending.
Here I am
I'm falling into a deep dark hole,
The darkness is painful, I'm still all alone.
Here I Am
Swimming in this darkened pool
Heart broken are they who play the fool.
Here I am
I'm still waiting for you
I'm still hoping you'll lead me through.
Here I am
I see you coming
I see a streak of light, I start running
Suddenly you disappear...gone
It was just an illusion that led me on.
Here I am
Back in this bottomless pit,
Everyday I lose you piece by piece and bit by bit.
Here I am
I lost you today
How could you let it end this way?

WS Sonnet 141

Of all the writers in history, I have to say I love William Shakespeare. I know everyone does, but in high school we read so much of his work and I read so much more on my own. This is sonnet 141 and also my favorite.

In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,For they in thee a thousand errors note;But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise,Who in despite of view is pleased to dote;Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted,Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone,Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invitedTo any sensual feast with thee alone:But my five wits nor my five senses canDissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,Who leaves unsway'd the likeness of a man,Thy proud hearts slave and vassal wretch to be:Only my plague thus far I count my gain,That she that makes me sin awards me pain.

just some miscellaneous quotes

"Love is as strong as death. Why be capable of feelings if we're not to have them? Why long for things if they're not meant to be ours?" -Tristan & Isolde

“You were right. I don't know if life is greater than death. But love was more than either.” –Tristan & Isolde

"All is fair in love and war"

"Whatever dies was not mixed equally.If our two loves be one,And thou and I love so alikeThat none can slacken,None can die."-Excerpt from "The Good Morrow" by John Donne

"Love can sometimes be magic...but magic can sometimes be an illusion."- Javan

"I wish they would only take me as I am."- Vincent van Gogh

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others remains and is immortal."- Albert Pine

"Sometimes I wish I had never met you, because then I would be able to go to sleep at night not knowing that there was someone like you out there."- Meet Joe Black

a long overdue realization

So in the past hour or so ive done more thinking then my brain can handle (no pun intended to myself). And I ask myself the question is it better to do the right thing even when u don't get anything in return? And then I answer myself with yes u idiot, u already had ur turn suck it up get the hell over it and move on. Sounds simple right? Wrong!! Sometimes the simplest things in life turn out to be the hardest. Ive never been one for doing the right thing but this time I am. And only because I know how it feels to not have the one person u need the most there with u when the swore they always would be no matter what. Good bad, thick and thin. But promises are broken all the time and sometimes broken hearts never fully heal, but if u take a step back and look at the whole picture u realize that what happened then is what makes you who u are now. Its hard to deal with change and you try so hard to make things the way they once were and then u realize that its to hard to pretend ur strong when u dnt want to be and that's when u give up. And you, yes u kno who im talking to…I kno ur reading this and I just want you to know that I am OK. I want you to know that I will always be there for you first and foremost as a friend because no matter how much we joke around, we really do need eachother as friends more than we realize. I know that you always got my back and I can come to you with anything and I want u to know im that for u too. So after some tears and a lot of thought im ready to move forward even if it isn't the same as it was then. Im finally ready to say goodbye to that time in our lives and its not as bad as i thought it would be. I am officially on that frozen heart type of shit and the next guy that comes along better be ready with a hammer and a chisel. Sometimes u gotta deal with the bad things to get the good. So heres to the future because im done with the past. "this is ur freedom, with no last kiss and no goodbyes."and I think im starting to believe you when u say that friends are best for now. Im glad I know the truth, I feel a lot better now. Thank you.

untitled

She feels like she's trapped in a room with no way out,
There are no walls, no windows, a door the room is without.
She's got a short leash attached to her,
The one she loves put it there.
He keeps her too close and knows her every move.
His life has become her's because he gives he no other choice,
His hand over her mouth restrains her voice.
She's suffocating, losing air, he's never hurt her,
But then again he's never been fair.
Is this what love is supposed to feel like? She often asks herself,
Is it supposed bite and keep you lying awake late at night.
Can anyone save her? Can anyone help her?
She cries out but no one hears,
The sound just reverberates in her own ears.
She fights and tries to leave him behind,
But she always ends up staying.....
Even when he makes her cry.

just listen

Have you ever heard a song and realized that it represents a specific time in your life? Have you ever felt that song was specifically written for you to help you understand or feel better about a situation? Over the past few years music had become a big part of me. Music has helped me through some rough times. For me it sometimes holds an answer. Simple songs can mean bigger things. The first song to do this for me is Josh Groban’s “To Where You Are” coincidentally, I first heard it on the morning of my uncle’s funeral. “Who can say for certain, maybe your still here….and you are watching over me from up above.” The song stuck in my mind and helped me through that day and the few that followed. There have been a few songs that I have come across to make me feel this way like “What’s the Point” by Article A and “Apologize” by One Republic, both of which I heard a few months ago before the radio commercialized them.
Music is always my answer. I’m a lyric decoder, I try to use music to help me read between the lines. It has the answers. It can help you get through the rough times or just put you in a better mood, but first you need to just listen.

monogamy rules

I think that it is possible to really, truly love someone and still think about someone else, or even be curious about another person enough to be seriously drawn to this third person. But simply because we live in a society where, although it doesn’t work, monogamy rules a person cannot be free to act on such an impulse without facing impunity and demonization. I think you can be drawn to another person enough to want to experience something with them just to see what it would be like. Or maybe just to reassure yourself that what you have is better and more real. If desire itself is a form of betrayal, then how much more harm would be done if those thought were put into action? One would think that, ideally, you could go back to the person you love after all is said and done, when you realize that it wasn’t what you thought it would be which I think is always the case. And if by some rare chance that it was wonderfully amazing, wouldn’t you have rather experienced that moment of bliss and adrenaline then always wonder what could have been?